When my life took an extremely painful and unexpected detour, I went looking for answers and advice on how to know if I should move on, how to stop the pain, and how to create a life that made me happy. I needed to learn the qualities of a truly healthy relationship. New habits needed to be instilled while old ones needed to be broken. I wanted to heal in a real way, not just the “Look at me, I’m doing better now” fake facade that most people post on social media. Most importantly, I wanted to make permanent positive changes. I understand most that staying the same will result in the same problems. I won’t allow that any longer. Here’s a list of podcasts and blogs that have helped me the most:
Therapy for Black Girls
The wonderful Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a clinical psychologist based out of Atlanta, is my hero for creating this podcast and website. Mental health is still kind of taboo in the African-American community, but she and her interviewees are working hard to change the stigma. The topics discussed are everything from relationships, work-life balance, trauma, and so much more. The episodes “Taking Care of Yourself After a Breakup”, “Finding Your People”, and “Reimagining Single Life” gave me perspective, tools, and a calm that I don’t think I would’ve had otherwise. They assured that no matter how things worked out, I would be okay.
Girl Be Free
Siobhan Sudberry actually reached out on Instagram and told me about her online community the Be Free Family. She is so inspiring and has such a calm, but powerful voice. The first episode I listened to “Forgive Yourself” made me cry. I’m not avoiding my emotions anymore, so if tears come, they fall, I understand and appreciate them and move forward from them. I’m trying out these new things called grace, self-awareness, and self-compassion instead of being hard on myself which was the part of the core message of that episode. Siobhan and I had a whole conversation on Instagram, and she sent me a guide called “101 Resources That Every Woman Needs To Live Her Best Life”. A cool lesson that keeps making itself known is that kind people with clear intent to help keep showing up unexpectedly, but it’s exactly when I need them.
HER – Healthy Empowered Relationships
Imagine my surprise when I found out that Barry Price’s podcasts laid out the very framework of what a healthy relationship looks like. After a few episodes, I realized that I haven’t had very healthy romantic relationships, but that was partly because I didn’t have a very healthy relationship with myself. It was an upsetting, but necessary realization. The episode that caused a breakthrough was “Is This Relationship Worth Saving?”. I answered each question in the episode out loud and honestly, which prompted me to look at the situation with forgiveness instead of sadness or anger. One thing I needed to do was apologize and forgive the pain. The first part was hard to do, but the second part is taking time. I honestly think that’s a good thing.
My Seven Chakras
AJ is all about self-healing and bringing people onto his show to help listeners get in touch with their energy. The podcast features thought provoking books and interesting guests. I finally understood that I kept attracting the same kind of men, because my negative and insecure energy beckoned them. I didn’t feel good about myself, and attracted those that felt the same or preyed upon it. The episode that opened my eyes was “Uplifting and Fulfilling Relationships with Guy Finley”. Guy spoke passionately about love, pain, fighting, and blame in ways I’ve never heard. His books The Secret of Letting Go and Relationship Together: Waking Up Together are on my upcoming reading lists.
Post Male Syndrome
Natasha Adamo and her team of bloggers are so insightful about heartbreak, self-doubt, and relationships, which are all things that I needed help with. Many of the posts deal with narcissists, selfish, and emotionally closed off men, and the trauma they inflict on women. Reading these posts had to come from a place of forgiveness instead of blame, because they hit very close to home with a number of my past relationships. The posts “How to Respect Yourself When You Have No Self-Respect” and “How To Get Over Someone Who Broke Your Heart” taught me about boundaries and embracing the pain by using it to create actions and goals that give pain purpose. I have never once considered pain as a tool for growth, because I avoided it at all costs. I am still wrestling with pain, because I’m using it to become my best self. I’m spending a lot of time reading the self-improvement category at the moment. Natasha also recently got engaged, and I couldn’t be happier for her!
This blog is everything I needed to find some direction and really get to know myself. Afam Uche has shared so much about her life, written poetry, and even made personal development tools. The thing I want the most for myself is commitment to permanent positive change instead of commitment to another relationship. I found what I was looking for in this blog to really begin healing. The post “Important Steps to Take In Order To Change Your Life” was the gentle nudge I needed. I am prone to getting deeply depressed and discouraged when things don’t go the way I think they should. Because I wasn’t finding happiness the exact way I wanted it, I wasn’t open to all the other ways it could be found. I have to let go of those negative habits to embrace what else is out there.
What I’m trying to accomplish is hard, but I’m committing to positive change, instead of committing to continued pain and heart ache. I know made great strides in the last month, but it’s going to take much more time. I’m treating myself with honesty and forgiveness, while also being realistic about how long this process may take. Small changes are my goal for each day. Each decision I make comes from a place of love and trust. I’m caring for my body by exercising, not drinking excessively, and doing kind things for myself. I’m doing what feels right for me. Whether it’s going to bed early or having an extra cup of water, I’m doing it. I’m taking responsibility for my happiness, my future, and everything in between. I feel empowered. My healing journey is far from complete, but things will get better from here on out.
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