Hello and happy Sunday! We are so close to Halloween, I can taste the candy and feel the spookiness, even here in sunshiny Florida! It’s been a great week, so why don’t I get started on what I’m grateful for?
Gratitude for this week
Something funny that happened this week was seeing a snake during my daily power walk. I’ve given running a break because I hurt my foot somehow, but I ran like the wind when I saw another tiny black creepy crawly on the sidewalk. Judging by the ache in my quads and the yelps I made, I set a new record for the 50-meter dash. Usain Bolt has competition now. All this half-Jamaican girl needs is the proper motivation to get moving. I’m a little nervous about walking and running because the snakes are small now. Do they grow a lot during the winter? I can only hope that I don’t run into any of them in a couple of months. If I do, I’ll probably set a new record for the fastest sprint and fastest carjacking! I will do anything to get away from a snake, including climbing a stranger and sitting on their shoulders. It’s a great way to meet new people, lol!
Something about this week that I will always want to remember is the fact that I am exercising my right to say no and walking away. I have my standards, and I’m sticking to them. I’m perusing dating apps, Facebook groups, and meeting new people, which is cool and all, but sometimes there are creepers or people that are just the exact opposite of what I’m looking for in a friend or partner. This is how I know I’ve made serious progress. Before, if someone paid attention to me, I would ignore all the things about them that bothered me, fitting myself into a mold of what I thought would be their perfect woman. For example, let’s say he had a completely different political ideology than me… I’d ignore it and not bring up that subject in conversations. Or if he continuously invalidated my experiences with racism as a dark-skinned black woman, I’d stop bringing it up. I ignored red flags, stop signs, yield signs… all the traffic patterns of relationships. Now? I’m like, “That’s not for me! Swerve! Curve! Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge! Goodbyyyyyeeee!!!!” I broke my mold, and I’ve decided to be who I am and to be extra picky. That is a big, big, BIG achievement for a formerly codependent people-pleaser.
Something nice I did for myself this week was closing the laptop and taking Friday afternoon off to get my nails done. It has been literal months since I’ve gone to a nail salon. I’ve been hustling really hard with this blog and my social media accounts, so I haven’t had the time to do extra fun stuff, other than my regularly scheduled walks and terrible dancing breaks. It was nice to get a massage chair backrub and laugh with the other ladies. I can’t help but crack up every time they get that foot buffer out.
The best part of affirmations…
…is seeing and feeling the difference in your mindset.
Last week, I chose the affirmation:
I am becoming the best version of myself.
Practicing gratitude and affirmations has definitely been life-changing, but one thing in particular that I realized this week is that I haven’t had a depressive episode since July. I’m not saying that depression makes me a bad person, but it’s interesting that October is usually when my SAD (seasonal affective disorder) starts acting up. I get the autumn blues in the fall, no matter where I live. It started when my family moved to Alaska in 2000, and it hasn’t really let up since. I typically have a significant downturn in energy and cheerfulness toward the last weeks of October and the beginning of November. I get irritated easily, weepy, and tend to isolate without warning. The only time I can remember it not happening was prior to 2000 and 2017. I’m still feeling pretty solid, and I’m gonna keep riding this wave.
Another aspect of becoming the best version of myself also means keeping myself accountable without criticizing! My negative self-talk is barely a whisper. I have not thought or said the words, “I hate myself,” in… what two or three months? That used to be a broken record in my head. I’ve laughed when I’ve tripped over things and been nice to myself for forgetting to start the washing machine for the eighth time this week. The best version of me loves being with well… me! That also means challenging myself of getting out of my comfort zone. My part of Orlando has a really cute historic downtown area, and I’m starting to meet new folks and go out more, despite every cell in my body being like, “Girl, that Rona!” But hey, I have about 7 masks in my purse, 4 bottles of hand sanitizer, 1 alcohol spray, a thing of Wet Wipes, and I socially distance. I think I should be okay.
My affirmation for this week is:
Everything that is happening is happening for my ultimate good.
Like I’ve said before, I feel like I’m truly on the right path. Good things are happening on my terms, because I’m expecting them and allowing them to happen. Allowing myself to heal and grow instead of jumping into a new relationship has been the choice that I should’ve made all throughout my twenties, but I honestly didn’t know that was an option. I guess when your only models of romantic relationships are on TV, in movies, and books, you miss a few steps in the dating process.
If there are any setbacks or mistakes that happen in the next few weeks, months, or years, I know I can handle them. They aren’t there to derail me. Instead, they’re there to guide me back to my original path. The last few times I’ve had a job or tried to start my own business, I went through the same pattern (and it was because of my truths). I’d be really excited about it at first and throw myself into it. Then doubt would creep in, and I’d feel like I was not doing well. Next, I’d begin to self-sabotage to prove that I wasn’t doing well. Finally, I’d give up then quit.
This is the first time in my life that I’ve broken that pattern. It feels good to believe in myself. It feels great to know that no matter what happens, I’m going to succeed, because I believe in myself. Whether it’s this blog or my Prince or Princess Charming (bye closet!), I’m going to be happy and successful. That, my friends, is a huge thought and a major sign of progress. I am not the woman that I was before, and it’s magical.
It’s a point of pride that I’m not creating a smokescreen of positivity and just acting like everything is fine to try to convince myself that I’m okay. That was what old me did. Better me is just… good. Everything is good, and the only complaint I have is that I didn’t figure out how to do this out sooner!
What would you do if you could not fail?
What is a dream that you’ve never allowed yourself to imagine accomplishing?
What are you refusing to take a chance on right now? Why?
I hope that everyone has a wonderful week, and I also hope that my foot heals! What are your goals for this week? Don’t forget to find out about what’s coming for Black Friday! You gotta sign up for my newsletter to find out, but I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love it!